Chaos

The universe as we know it is a place of chaos rather than order. It was not always this way, but to find out how it changed, I must take you back, back in time to the dawn of creation, when even the gods themselves were young...

...back to the time before the Great Cataclysm, before the despoiling of our universe.

In the beginning, Nienn, the mother of the gods wove a blanket of her hair. Her hair was very long, and had not been cut, and she was beginning to trip over it.

In the beginning the gods had a contest among themselves to decide which of them was the greatest.

Vuntan the god of fire stepped forth. 'Behold,' he said.

He took the sun in his hand and stuffed it into his mouth. Then he belched, and in that belch were many tiny suns. They scattered throughout the night sky and became the stars.

The other gods were impressed and they applauded. Many of them said that Vuntan should be crowned their ruler and god above all.

Then Ulkar the god of water stepped forth. 'My turn,' he said.

He stooped down and put his face in the ocean and drank. And he drank until his belly was swollen and the ocean was almost gone.

Then he turned and vomited the waters he had drunk across the land and made the rivers and lakes. And he breathed out into the firmament above the land and his breath became the clouds. And finally he spat into the coldest places on the Earth and his spit froze and became the snow.

And the gods applauded louder and many proclaimed that Ulkar, not Vuntan, should be their king.

And Thelmo, god of mischief and illusion stepped forth. 'Very good,' he said to his brothers and sisters. 'And now let me show you something.'

And the gods groaned, for they despised Thelmo, whose wonders were to pull coins out of his fellow gods' ears and produce rabbits from black holes and suchlike.

And Thelmo reached down and took hold of the edge of Magran's blanket, which was the sky.

'I will pull this,' he said. 'So quickly that nothing that rests on it shall be disturbed or moved from its place.'

And loud were the cries of those gods who thought that Thelmo's trick was dangerous folly, but Thelmo silenced them with a wink.

'Worry not,' he said. 'I have practised this on my kitchen table at home.'

And he gave a pull, and it was swift and sudden and everything that rested on Magran's blanket tumbled and fell and broke with a thunderous racket. And the cities of men were destroyed and the races of men were scattered and the lands were shaken and cracked open and released their founts of volcanic fire upon the living things. And great was the cry that went up from the suffering children of the gods.

And Agraband, oldest of the gods, smacked the crestfallen Thelmo across the back of his head.

'Fool,' Agraband said. 'You can put all of that back where it was.'

And Thelmo did as he was told under the watchful eyes of Agraband and Magran, and did his best with a tube of superglue and some tweezers but alas, for Thelmo was no shaper of living things. He struggled most sorely with reassembling the different races.

'Where do these bits go?' he asked Vuntan, who had been left behind to ensure Thelmo finished his work. He held up some pieces of bird.
'How should I know?' Vuntan asked. 'I was in charge of volcanoes and suns, not creatures. Don't try and involve me in this.'
Thelmo tried sticking wings on the horse. He could see that the horse already had a head, so he placed the bird's head on a lion.
'What are you laughing at, fool?' Vuntan asked.
'It looks funny,' Thelmo said, sniggering.
'Have you been drinking?' Vuntan asked.
In truth, Thelmo had with him a hip flask from which he had been taking a crafty swig every time Vuntan grew bored and closed his eyes. The flask was a gift from Bruthank the god of merriment, which never ran dry, and after three weeks of work he was a little inebriated.
'Have a swig,' Thelmo said, offering the flask to Vuntan.
'I shouldn't,' said Vuntan, who had been abstaining from drink since he had drunkenly set fire to the gods stables and barbecued their prize stallions.
'You know you want to,' Thelmo said, his eyes twinkling. 'Who's to know?'
'Oh, go on then,' Vuntan said. He was bored senseless after three weeks of watching Thelmo and needed something to liven up a thankless job.

After a time, the other gods returned to see how Thelmo's work of restoration was going. They were horrified to find Thelmo and Vuntan sitting in a corner giggling.
'What hast thou done?' they cried.
'We have,' Thelmo said, pausing to burp and giggle. 'Mended the High One's creation, as you asked.'
'You were supposed to watch him,' they shouted, pointing their accusing fingers at Vuntan. 'Not join him in his folly.'
'Sorry,' said Vuntan, rising to his feet and looking a little embarrassed.
'What do you call these?' Hanra the goddess of motherliness asked, pointing at the creatures that Thelmo and Vuntan had made. Most of them were confused, their bodies mixed up with parts of animals, looking very sorry for themselves.